In which the never king causes a story to begin, and people oppose him

All across the city, bits and pieces were dancing, celebrating the festival. The festival itself was celebrating some useless piece of history that would not even be a chekovs gun. So, a giant, city wide festival. How narritivally appropriate it would be if a monster interrupted the good fun. 

Indeed, with that, I opened up a portal from the Never Web, and stepped through. Tonight would be interesting. I wonder what character would oppose me. I suppose I could have been the hero this time around, but I doubt it. Thematically, I fit villain better. Anyways, I landed in a alley. In it were a few drunken revelers. Pulling out my switchblade, I shived one of them discretely. 

"Oh dear, someone has shived this man! Someone get help!" 

Blinking, the bit characters fled, no doubt to avoid getting arrested. Giving a wry grin, as that was what villains were supposed to do, I plucked his soul right out of him, and downed it. Now, time to move on. Whistling, I exited the alley, and began walking to the nearest fruit stand. As a general rule, if a melon shows up in a story, it must be smashed. And who am I to deny the laws of stories?

Another thing john could cross off of the " Things to do before I die. " list. attending a festival in south America. The old man was wearing a suit and eating a melon at a fruit stand. Just taking it all in.